Thursday, January 26, 2012

At some point...

Have you ever had a friendship that was like a roller coaster? Where your ups and downs are moments where you are the best of friends then moments you can't even talk to one another? In my life, I have experienced how someone can come to be your lifeline, like you are literally connected by an invisible cord and where one is the other is not far behind. I grew to love those relationships and depend on them for everyday life. It wasn't until moments in my life came to test me, that our friendship was tested.

My marriage was falling apart before my very eyes and I was doing everything I could to try to pick up the pieces. That invisible chord of friendship started to truly vanish...not because my marriage was ending but more because things came to light. Secrets revealed. Advice given, but not taken. It came to a point where I just wanted everyone to stop giving me their opinion and stop talking and just listen. My life had just crumbled and all people wanted to tell me was how bad he was, or how I'm a fool for wanting to try, or if he loved you...blah, blah, became one of those moments you watch on tv, when the person is sitting there and there are all these thought clouds of people talking! So, I took out my eraser and said..."Erase, Erase, Erase". If you couldn't just be there for me without judgement, then I couldn't have you in my life. I had to figure out what worked for me...on my own.

Through the years since that time, those friendships have been rekindled and lost and rekindled and now on the verge of lose again. Why? Because moments of the past resurface and when confronted, the ugly comes out. So, what's a girl to do? I guess, just continue to go on with or without them, I have made it this far with the people who have chosen to remain in my, I shall continue forging forward. I'll never stop loving them and caring about them, but I guess I have to realize sometimes it better to love and care from a distance.

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