Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Who's to blame: Mom, the Ex, or The Man Himself?

I have been doing alot of researching on different social networking sites and have come across some very interesting topics that definitely hit close to home! One that I read recently was about who is responsible for teaching the man in your life? Is it his  mother, his first wife, the next woman or should he be responsible for himself? I mean granted, as a mom, I do try to teach my children (all boys) about how to treat a woman and what never to be like. And as much as I try to teach them about cleaning up after themselves and helping out around the house...I come across the same problem...they are just not interested. Don't get me wrong there are some boys who loves to clean, cook, and do all the things that we as woman are expected to do. But that is not the majority. So, the question still remains...who is at fault? Should the mother be blamed? Did she do something wrong and cause the boy to grow up not having the necessary "house training"?

Giving and Taking

When is giving too much? Do you ever find yourself giving to people and feeling used because there is never a reciprocation? Do you find that people call you when in need, but when you are the one in need everyone's busy or will call you later? Or how bout the person in your life that calls you, texts you and comes to see you because they need something but once it's done, they are no where to be found or pick fights with you for no damn reason! I'm sure, if you are like me, you answered yes to a least one if not all!

In my life I feel like this everyday! Being a mom of three boys is hard enough and then you throw in money, food, extracurricular activities, looking for a better job, finding a suitable caretaker, dealing with "other" situations, and maintaining a HOUSE!! With all that, I still get the, Chris, can you...? Chris, I need... Chris, help me...Mom, I need .... Mom, can I..? Mom, Chris....always always always...never a break! It gets very overwhelming. And it projects onto others and then I end up feeling crappy! Meanwhile, if some of these people who habitually ask for my help, would just help me a little! Yesterday, I had an appointment in the morning, dropped off the boys so I could go. After that one, came home, cleaned the boys room and the kitchen, then showered and headed to my doctor's appointment. After that, picked up my son from school, picked up boys from my grandmothers and headed home to make dinner before needing to head back out to take my son to his basketball practice! Annnnndddddd, I still had to bathe them and put them to bed....all this alone! Thankfully, I called upon a real friend to see if she could bring my son home from practice so I could go home and take care of the other two and prepare them for bed. If that had not happened, it would have been 930 at night when I got home to bathe and settle them all done for the night. That's not even including, what I have left to do after they go to bed! Ok, so, I'm venting  and going off my topic...lol!

So, I 've been feeling used and abused by the people who are supposed to be there for me and love me. I have spent the last week, feeling so down and out and yet it can all be changed by a gesture of help. Yet, that gesture seems to come a little too late most times. I don't know, I know being a single mom is hard work and I know maintaining my sanity is even harder, but would it hurt for someone to get off their high horse and "man" up. I just get soooo tired and sometimes just need a break, even if its just for an hour! Ugh...damnit! Oh well, gotta get back to my reality! Cleaning this house and doing the laundry... a mom's work is never done!

Friends with the "ex"...are you?

Ok so here is my question of the day: Friends with the "ex", do you lie about it or are you open with your current s/o? 

So, I have been feeling like who decides who your friends with? Like, if you and your ex are still friends, do you tell you new s/o? What if they are insecure about you? Do you "protect" them by making them think you are not friends or even amicable? What if you and the ex have kids together? Does the new s/o, on both ends, get a say in your "relationship status" with the ex when you guys have kids together? Is there a line that is drawn?

I think most people are uncomfortable with their s/o being friends with their exes. I know that I have had this issue but more along the lines of, this is the woman who you cheated with, she can't be a friend. But does the "new" s/o get to say the same, if they cheated on you with their ex? What if there are kids involved? How do you trust the situation? Do you forbid him/her from being friends with them, though you know they have kids together? Or does he/she make you feel comfortable and tells you, "we don't even talk. all we do is fight. If it wasn't for the kids, we'd never talk"? 

I find that for myself, I have become a woman confident yet insecure...though that sounds weird and contradictive its my reality. With everyone else, I am this strong, beautiful, independent woman and mother...with him, I breakdown and find myself feeling miniscule because of history. I find myself questioning where I have no place questioning. Its stupid, I tell ya! I am so not that person!

So, when I think about my exes and what roles they play in my life, I think in many different tangents. There are some I let go, there are some whom I remain friends with...its my choice! Not a new s/o, not an old s/o, not my kids....just me!