Monday, February 27, 2012

Life Changing Instances

I have been so focused on business that I have neglected my poor blogging. But this past week I came across many different tragedies that have led me to this blog. If you are a Gleek like I am and watched last week's episode then you know exactly where I am going with this blog.

So many times we are so enthralled in our own personal lives and what is going on that we forget or ignore the reality of what happens around us. In last weeks episode of Glee, they addressed so many different important topics that effect us all. Being a mom of three boys, I have to stop and reflect on all the things that can change our lives and theirs in a split second! From teenage relationships, big decisions, life altering competition, bullying, suicide, texting while driving and the list goes on and on.

But what happens when the "on screen" hits reality and enters your life? How does it effect you? What do you do to change it? My mother got some very tragic news this past weekend, a former colleague and friend committed suicide and no one really knows why. This man was successful, had a wife and children and yet he was so depressed that he felt the need to walk off a ledge and fall to his death! And his family was left with the question, why? They will probably never have the answers they are looking for but after attending the memorial service my mom came back changed. She recanted some of the words shared at this memorial by this man's children and his wife. And as if I knew this man, I was hurt and felt pain. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain his family was feeling, if I who didn't even know them, felt pain. Tears filled my eyes as my mother told of this man's daughter saying how she would make him proud. That she would continue on her journey to succeed because it is what would make him happy. That she was only sad because she would not be here to see her successes when she graduated law school, when she got married and how he would never know his grandchildren when she had them. Those words resonated in my ears. With all that she could have said, her biggest sadness was that he would not be here for those milestones in her life. Not that she was angry with him or that she didn't know how to go on but that he would miss these moments in her life. She left off with saying how she was only happy knowing that he was with her grandfather and not alone. And that what she would miss the most is his interaction with her mother. How she would miss how he looked at her...with love always in his eyes! WORDS from a CHILD! Amazing! Truly moving and inspiring. But I think the most heart wrenching moment spoken at this man's memorial was from his wife. Her words were simply, "I don't know how to go on this life's journey without my Best Friend" When my mom was telling this last statement, I could hear the pain in my moms voice as she then turned and said, "All I could think about is my husband and how I couldn't imagine a day without him". My heart ached for this woman, for my mother, for myself.

So many things can change in an instant! Life's curveballs have a way of knocking us on our behinds! So, take a moment, look at your life, be greatful for the things you do and aspire for the greatness you deserve. Don't let a moment of hurt, keep you from moving forward. Learn from others pains, learn from your own pain. Don't take for granted that everything you have is gifted and unchangeable. Life happens when you are not looking and change can send you in a direction you are not ready to endure. But when it does, accept the pain, but do not forget how you got there. Remember the good times and how many more outweigh those bad ones. Because if you live life dwelling on all the bad that has happened to you, you will miss all the good trying to barrel down your door. With all that society is showing us, we need to open our eyes and take a look around. Remember that we are not just one person effecting one person...we are one person effecting the world!

Friday, February 10, 2012


It is moments like this one, right now, that remind me that I am doing the right thing! It is moments like this, that tell me my children are better off with the life we are living than to force them into a situation where they themselves are not happy. Granted, being a single mom and taking care of 3 boys alone is not my idea of an ideal situation. And everyday I have to pray to God that he will remind each day why my life has turned out this way. And every day I awaken to three handsome boys and then I remember.

It breaks my heart to watch them ask me the heartbreaking questions on why our family is not like other families. And simply stated, all I can say is...God has a different plan for our family! But like any six year old...more questions come from that answer and I am left with a massive headache and heartache. How many more times am I going to have to reinforce to my children that everything will be ok. That Mommy and Daddy love them but things sometimes just don't work out. That's the best answer I can give my children! What is wrong with me?! Marriages aren't about "working out", they are about working through. That is truly the mistake made! But it seems that our lack or inability to work through the hard times, have effected our children in more ways than one can imagine. Don't get me wrong, my children are happy. But it's that moment in their eyes, when they see "intact" families and don't say a word but show their longing in their glares. I wish I knew how to fix that pain. I wish that life would stop throwing my children curveballs and remember that they are just that... children. 

As a parent, we feel this overwhelming need to protect our children. To guard them from all that is bad. But what about the rest of the world. The other people who imprint on our children's lives...directly and indirectly. I encourage you as parents, mom, dads, women and men... before you put it all out there, think about who you may be affecting. Self-gratification is a wonderful feeling when its appropriate but in this day and age, in our world of technology, every moment made public is an opportunity to influence or effect a life. 

Every single moment of your existence has an effect on the rest of “time.” - D.Cook 
Let's take some time...think about our actions and how they directly and indirectly can affect our children, others children....strangers! How every action has a ripple effect and resonates throughout the world, touching more lives than that of which it was initially intended for. I cannot change the outcome of my failed marriage, it is what it is. Acceptance is never easy but it is necessary. Teaching my children that life goes on, that though the dynamics of this family are not "ideal" they are still that of a family. Together or apart, the love that we feel for our children will never change. THAT...I can promise them. But at some point, all I can do is hope that the choices we have made, that I have made, that he has made...that others have made...that those choices negative or positive will prove significant! And my children will be better for having endured it.

Take some time today, reflect, decide...choose to be effective...Positively. 

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Good Samaritan or Dangerous Involvement?

It was 5:30 am and a loud noise jolted me out of my slumber. My eyes sprang open and I panicked..."What the hell was that?!" At that moment, I notice my two year old had been woken up by the same loud noise. Within seconds, I am out of bed, thinking maybe something my t.v. fell off the wall or something. But then I heard it again, it felt like my whole apartment shook! That's when I realized my neighbor's boyfriend was banging down her door! I ran to my door and as I looked out the peep hole, I felt the shaking again, this time accompanied with his screaming. I immediately checked my door to be sure all the locks were on and I picked up the phone to dial 911! This was not the first time he had done this, but this was the first time I ever felt like I needed to call the police. When the emergency responder gets on the line, she asks what the emergency is? I was trying to whisper, so he couldn't incidentally hear me. The respondent couldn't hear me, so I went into my other bathroom and spoke more loudly. "My next door neighbors boyfriend is kicking in her door!" I gave them   the address but when they asked what apartment...I drew a blank. I said, I have no idea but I can tell you what door to let them know. In that moment, I felt even more helpless, like if this woman needed immediate help, I couldn't even pin point her apartment with a number. And then came the question...."Do you want to give your name?" It came out my throat almost immediately, "No". All I could think about is, if this man was barreling down her door, what would he do if he knew it was me who called the police?

When I hung up the line, all I could think was, I hope I helped and did the right thing. This man has done this before. But this time it was as if he had super human powers! I swear you would have thought an earthquake was happening! On other occasions, he has banged and yelled for her to let him in. He has practically slept the night away on the floor in front of her door. She has called the police herself and asked that they remove him from her home. I thought he was gone for good this last time because it had been quiet and I had not seen him around. This man definitely has a substance abuse problem, if you would see him, you would agree. But I just feel for this girl. She is a young girl, maybe in her twenties and this man is just BAD news!

So, here is my question, I have never gotten involved to the point of calling the police. But I am a single mother in a home alone with my three children. Our other neighbors also have small children. I just felt the need to protect my own and try to help without being directly involved. At what point does our roles as neighbors go from Good Samaritan to Dangerous Involvement? At what point, is this situation not only unsafe for this woman, but unsafe for me and my family?! What would you have done? Have you ever been in a similar situation? What was your recourse?