Are you a "COURAGEOUS" parent?

I spent two hours last night crying! Why, you ask? One word...."COURAGEOUS"
If you have not seen this movie or have never heard of it, I am going to introduce to a life changing movement!



Though this movie is about the importance of fathers in the lives of their children. As a mom, I felt the message in my heart and soul. I felt the need to do more, be more! The movie gives statistics on lives of children whose fathers are not present in their lives or who are present, but not there.

I have to say, three minutes into the movie, I was balling! They take moments that are real and true and they give them to you...RAW! They make you feel. They take everyday moments too and how we non-chalantly take for granted everything around us, every hour, every minute, every second. What happens when those times runs out...would you have been better than a "GOOD ENOUGH" parent?

Though I believe in God and I have questioned his judgement. I have questioned his presence when my world seems to be falling apart. I have asked him too..."What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?" This movie will once again do that for you, but in a whole new light. I cried for two hours, not because the movie is sooo sad but because it makes you question your every decision as a parent.

I will say this, even if you don't believe in God or think I'm not really religious....don't let that deter you from being changed. Not to watch the movie, get up and say I just found God and I believe. But to allow the movie to change you as a parent. To allow you to question just how good a parent you really have been. Allow yourself to be...COURAGEOUS...for your children!

At some point...

Have you ever had a friendship that was like a roller coaster? Where your ups and downs are moments where you are the best of friends then moments you can't even talk to one another? In my life, I have experienced how someone can come to be your lifeline, like you are literally connected by an invisible cord and where one is the other is not far behind. I grew to love those relationships and depend on them for everyday life. It wasn't until moments in my life came to test me, that our friendship was tested.

My marriage was falling apart before my very eyes and I was doing everything I could to try to pick up the pieces. That invisible chord of friendship started to truly vanish...not because my marriage was ending but more because things came to light. Secrets revealed. Advice given, but not taken. It came to a point where I just wanted everyone to stop giving me their opinion and stop talking and just listen. My life had just crumbled and all people wanted to tell me was how bad he was, or how I'm a fool for wanting to try, or if he loved you...blah, blah, blah...it became one of those moments you watch on tv, when the person is sitting there and there are all these thought clouds of people talking! So, I took out my eraser and said..."Erase, Erase, Erase". If you couldn't just be there for me without judgement, then I couldn't have you in my life. I had to figure out what worked for me...on my own.

Through the years since that time, those friendships have been rekindled and lost and rekindled and now on the verge of lose again. Why? Because moments of the past resurface and when confronted, the ugly comes out. So, what's a girl to do? I guess, just continue to go on with or without them, I have made it this far with the people who have chosen to remain in my life...so, I shall continue forging forward. I'll never stop loving them and caring about them, but I guess I have to realize sometimes it better to love and care from a distance.

What's in a Kiss?

As Valentine's Day fast approaches, I thought it fitting to get a little cupid. So, we will start with the simplest, or so it seems, forms of affection. THE KISS.

Have you ever stopped and analyzed a kiss. We all know the, eyes open or eyes closed thing....but have you ever thought about all those other ones and what they mean? Like a kiss on the cheek, the forehead, the neck...what do they mean?

I have done some research on different sites and compiled a list of many different types of kisses and put them together for you to analyze your kiss and/or that of your significant other.

The Open-Mouthed Kiss:
Slightly parted lips, shows interest in you...take your time and enjoy the ride. The passion is hidden in that kiss!

The Closed-Mouthed Kiss:
He may simply being a gentleman but he is definitely interested. What you need to ask yourself is if this is stilll happening long time after you are together...he might be uptight or your breathe needs a mint often lol.

The Kiss On The Cheek:
Not so easy to read. Can be expression of sweet affection or the killer..."Let's just be friends" kiss of death!

The French Kiss:
Using tongue is a clear sign of revving up the engines! Definite interest and longing.

The Smothering French Kiss:
This is when they are literally eating your face LMAO..it feels passionate and full of lust but it may just be that...the fast track to the bedroom. (Ladies, though we all love the heat of passion, this is when they usually skip the foreplay and head straight for gratification....take out the whip and slow him down! lol)

The Forehead Kiss:
Means you are protected and safe. They want you to know they care about you but without the words be spoken aloud.

It's the kiss that means he loves you. The kiss that lets you know he's got your back. The kiss that separates the "I love you" from the "I'm in love with you."  - Excerpt from Datingish

This is the kiss of all kisses for me. It speak volumes!

There are soooo many more kisses and expression, but these are the most common. What was the last kiss you got or gave?

What If...

If you didn't watch Grey's last night and don't want to know what happened...stop reading now and come back when you watch. If you did watch it....

We, as parents, seem to trick ourselves into thinking that our kids are not observant. That they just believe whatever we tell as law. But what happens when it's your child with a life threatening tumor and you are a single parent...when you think that not telling them what is wrong is helping them. But they see, they hear...they know. They have heard you crying in the bathroom, in your room, when you think they are asleep. They know more than we can even begin to understand at their age. What happens when we exhaust every possibility and still cannot save them? How do we continue to try to live as if they are fine? How do we continue the lie? Who is that helping?

In last night's episode, when that 11 year old boy told his mom...its ok mom, you'll be ok...I started balling. Because it just rings through me and reminds me how smart and observant our children really are. It reminds me that we try to protect them from all that is bad and yet when we can't, they seem to find the strength that we have lost in the fight and they share it with us. The offer their love and give us their strength. They teach us.

I cannot imagine a day, an hour, a minute, a second without my children. I cannot imagine what it would feel like to have one of them dying before my very eyes and me being helpless. But that is not the reason for this blog post...the real reason behind this is the understanding that THEY KNOW. When I think of how many times in the last six years that I have cried in my bathroom, in my bed, when I thought they were sleeping....stories like this make me realize how much they really do know, see, hear. It makes my heart hurt just a little more because I have tried to protect them from the major pains I have gone through. I have tried to protect them from our failed family. I have tried to transition them as smoothly as possible...but is there really such a thing. Am I stupid for thinking I could protect them and just smile as if there is nothing wrong? I don't think I am wrong, I just think I am hopeful that the good happiness outweighs the bad pain and that it shines through more prominently.

So, what if... what if they really do know? what if they really do see? What if....

Love Is...Love Isn't...

Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect him to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect him to calm you down when you’re yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, utterly defeated when something doesn’t exactly match up with all your plans. But that’s the thing. Love isn’t a plan. It doesn’t have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.
Love is so incredibly messy. People around you can’t comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can’t see. They can’t see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you’re in love. It’s inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can’t live without it. What you don’t learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn’t worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.
Love isn’t him calming you down when you yell. It’s him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn’t him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. 
It’s after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It’s not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it’s not her caressing your hair and telling you that everything’s going to be alright. It’s him standing there, admitting he’s just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you’re not the only one involved. You’ve unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another person’s hand and said “here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it.”
It makes us crazy. It makes us invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn’t cross. Because love isn’t about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It’s about scaring the crap out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it’s a lot better than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of difference between feeling ‘happy’ and feeling whole.
Life is a challenge, and so is love. Things never come easy in life; if they do, memories are rare, suffering won’t get you through the tough times, there’s nothing to look back on. There’s no mistakes that you learn from. In the end, it’s all worth it.  - Excerpt from "Life is a Beautiful Struggle"

When you stop and take a look at the loves of your life, you will look and see that holding on to those memories is what made you the person you are today. That, finding that kind of love, is worth fighting for. It may not be the perfect situation but eventually it will be just right for you.

Sometimes, perception is wayyyy off! Sometimes, people are not seeing what is really there. It takes two to make it work, it takes two to letting go, it takes two to move on...Think about it this way, when you get married, two people vow to be one. When you get divorced, two people agree to part. So, when you want to question whether you are wrong for holding on to that love you know still exists, don't question, don't allow to be questioned. You have no one to answer to and no one to seek approval from. That feeling exists because despite life's curveballs, love transcends. Happiness is your perception, not someone else's opinion.

One Door Closes....

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. - Helen Keller

Often I have found myself staring at that closed door and trying to find ways to break it open. But in doing so, I definitely missed another open door, window, floor board..lol..a way out of being stuck! So, yeah, when you start to feel stuck and can't open that closed door...take a step back, take a deep breath and look around you. Figure out whether the chaotic dungeon you are living in is where you want to be. Because until you realize that you don't want to be in your own prison, you will not see that other open door!