In my quest to get past my broken marriage, I took a chance on love a couple years ago. I can say that with all that I had been through and family believing that my depression was so bad they feared what I would do...I found happiness in myself and someone new. I gambled with my heart and though for reasons I'd rather not go into, we only remain friends. I can recall one night, chatting online with this guy, talking about his new love interest back then and talking about what went wrong with us. He decided to share some music he loves with me...oh and did I cry my eyes out!
One by one, tears after tears, the reality set in. I started to think about what the music really meant.
This song, so beautiful, yet so final! Can you imagine someone whom you cared about but are not with sharing this song with you? How would you react? I can tell you all I heard was...GOODBYE...and for that instance, I read between the lines and realized...he and I would never be. And though I knew that to be true, you always hold on to a little hope. Hope that life's circumstances would change, that maybe just maybe, I could have been stronger at the time and chose for myself what was best. Don't get me wrong, my (ex) husband will always be the love of my life and if we could work past our problems, I would try. But this guy, he was there, kinda holding on to me, but at a distance.
He also introduced me to another song that night. And that song was not for him to me, but I think it was meant for me to give to him.
Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I had chosen differently. This song is just about that! You can't take back the past and what you did but you can ask for forgiveness. And though the outcome may only be friendship, for me its better than not having him at all. I think part of me will always love him. But I think most people hold a little piece if love for people who impacted them. He was the one who was there when I was at rock bottom and made me feel special, beautiful, wanted....so today, He should know, I am sorry!
But for what its worth,
I have learned alot from him. And this medley is like my Journey...
BTW I LOVE GLEE!!!
Hi Christy,
ReplyDeleteI know this sounds so everyday, but everything happens for a reason, I just read a piece in a blog this morning, "man plan, and God laughs." (I believe, he isn't laughing at us, but with us) We don't even know that we are going to be alive two minutes later, yet we plan as if we are here for ever.
Sometimes when something bad happens, we ask why? And at the time we can see no good reason for it. But, some year or maybe even 10 years later down the line we realize what the reason was. And all happens with a reason. God will never close a door without opening another for you, only sometimes we need to get rid of our tunnel vision to see the newly opened door.
I have been where you are a few times in my life, and when I look back today, I realize, it was necessary for those things to happen, I had to become a better person before He could bless me with a happy and peaceful life. (do not misunderstand me, I am not saying you are not a good person) but sometimes we need to pay our school fees before we start going forward.
With time all wounds heal, and my wish for you is happiness and peace. And most of the time these obstacles make us stronger.
Hope your weekend is going to be great.
Colin.