Friday, January 15, 2010

A week in Hell

Have you ever felt like the odds are stacked against you and no matter what you do...the outcome is never good! Well, this has been my week! After the stroke of midnight on my birthday, the world spiraled and hit the core. Maybe I an in sync with mother nature and natural disasters. Because the next morning when I could open my eyes, I heard the devastating news of the earthquake that rocked Haiti. Life's events have a way of clustering! If I look back on the last 5 years of my life, for every good thing a cluster of bad swarms me! It just doesn't seem fair and yet I hate saying that phrase because as bad as I think I have it...others are way worse off. But for this blog, its going to be about my feelings at this moment!

The night of my birthday I set out to party with my favorite DJ and some friends. And the night was a actual birthday was amazing and filled with friends and even though some didn't show, I intended on having fun anyway. Midnight hit and within an hour and a half of my actual birthday being over, shit got ugly! My purse was stolen and everything I owned was in it. My camera, which had pics from that night and pics of my kids. My wallet with my drivers license, my two bank cards and God knows what else. My two cell phones! Lots of cash, some which was not even mine! And minute stuff. I went nuts! Searching and searching! Then my head started to spin and the alcohol from that night started to pound through my body! Never have I felt so unleveled at one moments time! I gathered my senses and pick up the pieces and headed home! I couldn't even fathom that someone could be so cruel! If you wanted my money and my phones, take them but leave my damn license and important documents! Oh well, so I have spent the last two days, running around getting my cards inactivated, my phones restricted, my license renewed and replaced...and money lost! But the one thing I was looking forward to was tonight! I planned a Girls Night with the kick off at my Adult Toy Party. I've been plannig this for over a month and people telling me they are coming, until tiday when i started to confirm. People telling me, I don't know if I can or I'll meet up with you after....and my heart sank. I became angry, upset, let down, overwhelmed! Why? Because I am the type of person who doesn't let people down, or I try really hard not to. I run around doing people favors, and taking my "ME" time and giving it to others. You need me, I'm there! Now, I just start to feel used and abused by the people who are supposed to always be there for me.

A friend told me recently, "just give up on 2010, its a bust for you" and though I felt the same way about it, my heart told me keep the faith! I am just tired of hoping and praying that things will change, that they will be better! i have tried my best and yet it all still seems wrong. I've been good to me, I have finally made waves in not being or worrying about being with my (ex)husband. I have moved past him and taken an active role in my hearts desires. But that too sometimes seems foolish. It seems like, when I love, I have bad timing. And when I try to let it just find me, I find myself downsizing and critiquing. Is that wrong? Is it wrong for me to want what I want and accept nothing less?

I contemplate so many thoughts at once, that this blog may seem all over the place today, but that is how I am feeling! I was just thinking about the tattoo on my read,"Learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for tomorrow", damn, though I truly believe in its meaning, this last week has made me challenge that.

So, I'm going to hope that this weekend turns out to be all that I had hoped it be! Please don't let me down!

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