Thursday, January 21, 2010

Life Unexpected

A new show started this week and I couldn't wait to see it. "Life Unexpected" was a total surprise for me. I think that though I have not experienced such a situation that the information and lines used on this show can be applied to every "unexpected" life situation. Like, "Grow Up" and "You guy's will never learn" many times have you used those phrases or have had them told to you? 

Recently, I have definitely used "grow up" to describe how I felt about a woman with a selfish need to be in the spotlight when competing with a man's love for his child. Why is it that we want our men to be great father's and role models and to always be there for their children, whether they belong to you or not, yet when the time arises, jealousy ensues. Maybe the insecurity has merit for other reasons, but does that warrant childish behavior in what  may be a serious situation! For some, I think they need to realize that sometimes, they can't be number one. That sometimes, they have to take a backseat to the people who actual matter most...a child! So many times over the last couple of years, I have been taken aback by my (ex) husbands decisions and how he can sometimes remove himself from situations where he may be needed. And after this last episode, though he was there, I understood why he hadn't always been. 

I had been told by certain people that I was an imsecure, desperate woman for continuing to try with my (ex) husband and knowing he was right back into his "situation". And I always asks the question, how can I be the one insecure or desperate when I am the one who has investments with him? A marriage, children, years, etc...and on the other side, what did she have invested...she had no ties, no need for him to be there, only what seemed to be an ego to have stroked. Imagine someone telling you this, "I know he loves you and he is infatuated with me but I get what I want when I want, why would I give that up?" ARGH! When I heard those words, I almost jumped out my skin! How could you be so self centered and immoral? You (and him) destroyed my family, my children, our home? You could have found someone without all these things to use, why what doesn't belong to you? Though I have gotten past that moment, it rings true in my head whenever certain instances arise. It just makes me wonder about a woman who wants to be a part of my children's lives yet makes poor comments and inappropriate behaviors that confirm my need to shelter and protect my children from such....poison. I have had my insecurities confirmed numerous times by her and him but at least I have some to accept them and though they may still be lingering they do not consume me. 

What I do know is this....I expect him to be there for his children, from a simple milestone to an emergency medical situation. Mommy is for comfort and Daddy is for "Big Boy" strength. My Boys, Our Boys, look for those simple reassurances. And though people will blame me for the lack of the abundance of those moments, I will say this: My children have been exposed to many things, which he nor I can take back. I respect their opinions and I back them 100%. I do not want to place my children in situations that make them uncomfortable. I will not force them to have to deal with a life they did not choose. Sometimes as adults we want to make our children "deal" with the situation but who does that help? What does that teach them? Sure, they should learn that sometimes life is unexpected and hands us situations that we would never want for ourselves and that we should face them head on! Then, I remember, these are children and they don't need to be worried about life's unexpected dilemmas and nuisances. That's our jobs as their parents. Does that mean we completely shelter them from the situation? NO. We talk about it and weigh the options. We make a decision as a family, with me as the parent, having the final say. It hasn't been easy because learning to be a single mother of three boys is not something I intended on being. But each day I learn a little more and experience something new and I can apply it to their futures. We are our own little world inside this big world. We make decisions as a family. We live our own lives and allow those who earn it, the privilege to be apart of that.

So, yes, life can be unexpected and surprisingly wonderful and disappointing all at once. But for us, we embrace each moment, measure it out and make the decision that is best for a family. And sometimes that means, others around us lose out.  

No comments:

Post a Comment