Clean Sweep!

I am on a mission this week! I am doing just like the show on TLC....Keeping what I need, Trashing what is no good, and selling what I don't need! But finding the motivation to get it done, well, that's a whole other ball game! Every night, after the boys go to bed, I struggle deciding if I want to spend countless, sleepless hours sorting through all the garbage.

This week....no more procrastinating! I am going to do it! Out with the old! This week, my son (12) and I are going to take a day to go through his and his brothers things. This should be easy, they have a closet full of things they haven't even looked at since we moved here over two years ago! Then on to the clothes, which I did a couple months ago but some how their draws are full of clothes  they don't wear and their floor and hamper is consumed by the ones they do wear...go figure!

Then, its the storage room. A room that harbors all the stuff I used for my business endeavors, where my main computer resides, and things that I just plain really need to get rid of! I have two other closets after that...and those are just going to be emptied out and most things tossed. I mean how many jackets does one really need!

Who knows what room I will hit after that but somewhere in the process...YARD SALE!!! Hey, the saying is, "One man's garbage, is another man's treasure" and so I will sell, sell, sell!

Look out for the sale post!

Challenges of A Single Mom

1. Juggling my kids social lives. They have more events and friends than I do.
2. Having a personal life...dating...whats that? lol
3. Cleaning the house, when in 30 seconds flat its destroyed!
4. Cooking at a reasonable time.
5. Finding a way to make ends meet....there never seems to be enough for everything!
6. Keeping my cool when all I want to do is scream!
7. Getting all the kids to bed without the song and dance acts they decide to perform.
8. Taking a shower! Enough said!
9. Socializing with someone other than a 1 yr old...anyone need a grown up friend?
10. Loving yourself enough to know, if you're not happy, neither will your kids be!

Then....Computers, Information, Disaster....Now...Empowerment!

For so long I have used my computer skills to gain information when needed, not only for myself but for my friends. When do you feel the need to search and look for what we already know to be true? When I found out about my husbands discretions, I went to work! I needed to know everything! I knew that he would lie because he had been doing it for so long it became second nature and I wasn't going to let him back in my house without knowing everything. So, I searched and I found. I made sure that I would never be in the dark again. I would never put my blinders on again and give him the trust that he so didn't deserve. But when we look, we find things that we never meant to find or wanted to know. I know in my case I would find pictures and stories about things he was doing with the other woman. And all it would do was infuriate me more and make me want to find ways to punish him for them. ANd what better way to do that but than to make it known that I knew and waited for him to lie again, causing him to be aggrivated and huff and puff. I mean why should I be the only one pissed and hurt, right? Wrong! It was a poor decision on my part because I was hurting myself more when I hurt him. Because despite everything he had done, I had still loved him and wanted to make things work. Then there was the whole sharing thing, I didn't want to share "my man" and that's what I was doing. I would have nightmares about him being with me and then being with her and then coming back to my bed at night! It was getting out of hand in my mind! I needed to seek help to let go. It took my two years to realize that I couldn't get passed it all on my own. Family and friends couldn't help me because they were to emotionally invested. I was in therapy for months but the reality was I wasn't ready and so whatever I was being told was going in one ear and out the other. For years, I needed the security of information. But was it really security? How secure can it have been when I was looking for the next wrong move he made or the next vindictive move she'd make. I was a glutton for punishment. And yet when the opportunity arose to be with him, I took it. I rationalized it with, if I do it with him its ok, he is still my husband and I don't have to look for it from someone else. I took sex or making love, very seriously. I still do. That intimate moment is something I don't want to share with just anyone. The vulnerability to be seen naked and not judged, the intimacy, the allowing your inhibitions to be let go...those things take great strength to look past. And though the flaws of my body are major to me, they seem to be miniscule to the eye of a man. Yet, I still find myself holding out for that special someone. In a way, its a great feeling because it reinstates that I still have morals and values. That I can look at my kids and feel like I am doing this the right way. I don't want my children to grow up and live this life or cause this life for the women they love! I continue to remind them that marriage is saced and that they should cherish the women in their lives. They have witnessed my pain firsthand, though I try to cry in private, my kids know my pain. I sit with them and talk about love and being good men. If they fail at everything else in life, they will alwas be successful when they remember who they arer and what their mother taught them about family. They will succeed in their marriages and families. They will be the men that your daughters will fall in love with, marry and have families with. I promise to teach them, right from wrong. I promise to instill morals and values. This is a promise to my future daughters in law!

20 things every woman deserves from the guy in her life Sex, Love & Life: glamour.com

20 things every woman deserves from the guy in her life Sex, Love & Life: glamour.com

Who's to blame: Mom, the Ex, or The Man Himself?

I have been doing alot of researching on different social networking sites and have come across some very interesting topics that definitely hit close to home! One that I read recently was about who is responsible for teaching the man in your life? Is it his  mother, his first wife, the next woman or should he be responsible for himself? I mean granted, as a mom, I do try to teach my children (all boys) about how to treat a woman and what never to be like. And as much as I try to teach them about cleaning up after themselves and helping out around the house...I come across the same problem...they are just not interested. Don't get me wrong there are some boys who loves to clean, cook, and do all the things that we as woman are expected to do. But that is not the majority. So, the question still remains...who is at fault? Should the mother be blamed? Did she do something wrong and cause the boy to grow up not having the necessary "house training"?

Giving and Taking

When is giving too much? Do you ever find yourself giving to people and feeling used because there is never a reciprocation? Do you find that people call you when in need, but when you are the one in need everyone's busy or will call you later? Or how bout the person in your life that calls you, texts you and comes to see you because they need something but once it's done, they are no where to be found or pick fights with you for no damn reason! I'm sure, if you are like me, you answered yes to a least one if not all!

In my life I feel like this everyday! Being a mom of three boys is hard enough and then you throw in money, food, extracurricular activities, looking for a better job, finding a suitable caretaker, dealing with "other" situations, and maintaining a HOUSE!! With all that, I still get the, Chris, can you...? Chris, I need... Chris, help me...Mom, I need .... Mom, can I..? Mom, Chris....always always always...never a break! It gets very overwhelming. And it projects onto others and then I end up feeling crappy! Meanwhile, if some of these people who habitually ask for my help, would just help me a little! Yesterday, I had an appointment in the morning, dropped off the boys so I could go. After that one, came home, cleaned the boys room and the kitchen, then showered and headed to my doctor's appointment. After that, picked up my son from school, picked up boys from my grandmothers and headed home to make dinner before needing to head back out to take my son to his basketball practice! Annnnndddddd, I still had to bathe them and put them to bed....all this alone! Thankfully, I called upon a real friend to see if she could bring my son home from practice so I could go home and take care of the other two and prepare them for bed. If that had not happened, it would have been 930 at night when I got home to bathe and settle them all done for the night. That's not even including, what I have left to do after they go to bed! Ok, so, I'm venting  and going off my topic...lol!

So, I 've been feeling used and abused by the people who are supposed to be there for me and love me. I have spent the last week, feeling so down and out and yet it can all be changed by a gesture of help. Yet, that gesture seems to come a little too late most times. I don't know, I know being a single mom is hard work and I know maintaining my sanity is even harder, but would it hurt for someone to get off their high horse and "man" up. I just get soooo tired and sometimes just need a break, even if its just for an hour! Ugh...damnit! Oh well, gotta get back to my reality! Cleaning this house and doing the laundry... a mom's work is never done!

Friends with the "ex"...are you?

Ok so here is my question of the day: Friends with the "ex", do you lie about it or are you open with your current s/o? 

So, I have been feeling like who decides who your friends with? Like, if you and your ex are still friends, do you tell you new s/o? What if they are insecure about you? Do you "protect" them by making them think you are not friends or even amicable? What if you and the ex have kids together? Does the new s/o, on both ends, get a say in your "relationship status" with the ex when you guys have kids together? Is there a line that is drawn?

I think most people are uncomfortable with their s/o being friends with their exes. I know that I have had this issue but more along the lines of, this is the woman who you cheated with, she can't be a friend. But does the "new" s/o get to say the same, if they cheated on you with their ex? What if there are kids involved? How do you trust the situation? Do you forbid him/her from being friends with them, though you know they have kids together? Or does he/she make you feel comfortable and tells you, "we don't even talk. all we do is fight. If it wasn't for the kids, we'd never talk"? 

I find that for myself, I have become a woman confident yet insecure...though that sounds weird and contradictive its my reality. With everyone else, I am this strong, beautiful, independent woman and mother...with him, I breakdown and find myself feeling miniscule because of history. I find myself questioning where I have no place questioning. Its stupid, I tell ya! I am so not that person!

So, when I think about my exes and what roles they play in my life, I think in many different tangents. There are some I let go, there are some whom I remain friends with...its my choice! Not a new s/o, not an old s/o, not my kids....just me!