Blah...today sucks!

Ugh, today I woke up and my throat was on FIRE!! I think the stress of all the things going on at once is finally catching up to me. I now have less than a week to finish up on my latest project and I don't know how I am going to do it!

Right now, sitting on my laptop and trying to find words is a challenge. My head is clouded by a cold and my mind is emotionally clouded by stress. I am getting things done but today, today, sucks! lol!

Laundry is in the wash, dishes need to get cleaned, garbage needs to go out, phone calls need to be made and here I am sitting in my bed...and I just can't bring myself to move.

Hopefully, dinner will be here soon and it will help me energize for another night of endless tasks....

The Wonder of Believing in True Love

This weekend was monumental! I got to revisit love and began to believe once again that true love does exist. For a while now, I lost faith and hope that real love was fictional and fantasy that we create as little girls wanting a fairytale. I was asked to bear witness, along with close friends and family, to the beginning of two very important friends' fairytale ending. Happily ever after does exist and they are proof. Its amazing how time and space was something that never phased what was truly real for them...their love! 15 years later, rekindling love lost and realizing that even as children we can find that "one" can exist. They embody all that I want in my life and in love. 

To Jonie and Willie....God has blessed you with one another and now a true symbol of your committment and love for one another in a child! I cried last night in being  honored in sharing these precious moments with you all. With our CK family and all those monumental people who have molded you, it was truly amazing!

Thank you for offering me the opportunity to believe again! YAIN (You're All I Need)...I will take that in my heart with me on my quest for true happiness. 

Besos and congrats again! I can't wait to be a witness at your wedding and to be a Titi to my precious new nephew or niece. Your lives are going to be blessed a million times fold!

Music...what song is your new fave?

LOVE THIS SONG!

Just wanted to share! Leave me one of your new faves!

My world today....Exhausting! Changing!

OMG...I can't wait for this part to be over already! I have been at this house all day and feel like I haven't even put a dent in it! I am so exhausted but I know I have to push through it! I have a goal and I will do it!

I thought I'd have trouble choosing what stays and what goes but I can happily say...I want it all gone, except the bare necessities!

Ever feel like you need to start again with everything new? Like though you are tired and overally exhausted, you push yourself because you know something great will come of it! Well, that's me today. I've been at this house for 10 hours! WOW! Crazy me! But it will be done with time to spare and on the big day...I will feel relaxed and ready..rather than overwhelmed and crazed!

I finally believe that change is good! And its my turn...

DVR Madness

I have a collection of shows that I DVR and watch when my kids are asleep. Last night, I sat to watch two of my fave Sunday shows, one being, "Drop Dead Diva" and "My Fair Weddings by David Tutera".

Drop Dead Diva

My Fair Weddings by David Tutera

Both these shows last night, hit an emotional cord in me.

But My Fair Weddings....OMG>>>>Balling!!! This bride was so super appreciative of what David was doing for her and how he incorporated the memory of her father into the wedding...priceless! I was up crying like a baby. I love David Tutera and if I did the marriage thing again, I'd be knocking on his door! He is just simply amazing and not to mention...a hot gay guy!! LOVE HIM!!!

Do you watch shows like this? I mean I have some for just about each day of the week, depending on the time of year!
Here's a List:

1. Monday - The Secret Life of an American Teenager
2. Monday - One Tree Hill
3. Monday - Gossip Girl
4. Monday - Life Unexpected
5. Tuesday - Make it or Break It
6. Tuesday - Pretty Little Liars
7. Tuesday - 90210
8. Tuesday - Glee
9. Wednesday - Hell's Kitchen
10. Wednesday - Top Chef
11. Wednesday - America's Next Top Model
12. Thursday - Grey's Anatomy
13. Thursday - Private Practice
14. Thursday - Vampire Diaries
15. Thursday - Project Runway
16. Friday - I don't watch tv on Friday Nights LOL
17. Saturday - Same here, no actual TV shows
18. Sunday - Drop Dead Diva
19. Sunday - My Fair Weddings by David Tutera

And on constant DVR, episodes of Law & Order SVU.

What's on your DVR? Do you have shows you must watch?

Letter to God

Dear God,

Though I know at times it seems like I've cursed you and shunned you, for those times I ask your forgiveness. What I didn't understand then was how much bigger plans you had in store for me! I just wanted to say Thank you! Thank you for allowing me to get through it all and come out happier! Thank you for my children, they continue to be my inspiration and life line. Thank you for the love you have allowed to grace my life, even in heartache, I understand your purpose. 

I know I ask alot of you and though you cannot answer all my prayers, thank you for the ones you have answered. I am more than appreciative! 

It has taken me a lifetime to figure out your purpose in my life's journey and I am excited to see what is yet to come. I have found a place to leave my sorrows in and move on to a new beginning. Though I know there will be times that yet again I question your intentions, know that I am still growing and learning. That I will still make mistakes but that I know am more aware of my goals. I am more focused! 

Thank you!

Love,

Me

Life's Journey and Poof...You were there!

In my quest to get past my broken marriage, I took a chance on love a couple years ago. I can say that with all that I had been through and family believing that my depression was so bad they feared what I would do...I found happiness in myself and someone new. I gambled with my heart and though for reasons I'd rather not go into, we only remain friends. I can recall one night, chatting online with this guy, talking about his new love interest back then and talking about what went wrong with us. He decided to share some music he loves with me...oh and did I cry my eyes out!

One by one, tears after tears, the reality set in. I started to think about what the music really meant.

This song, so beautiful, yet so final! Can you imagine someone whom you cared about but are not with sharing this song with you? How would you react? I can tell you all I heard was...GOODBYE...and for that instance, I read between the lines and realized...he and I would never be. And though I  knew that to be true, you always hold on to a little hope. Hope that life's circumstances would change, that maybe just maybe, I could have been stronger at the time and chose for myself what was best. Don't get me wrong, my (ex) husband will always be the love of my life and if we could work past our problems, I would try. But this guy, he was there, kinda holding on to me, but at a distance.

He also introduced me to another song that night. And that song was not for him to me, but I think it was meant for me to give to him.

Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I had chosen differently. This song is just about that! You can't take back the past and what you did but you can ask for forgiveness. And though the outcome may only be friendship, for me its better than not having him at all. I think part of me will always love him. But I think most people hold a little piece if love for people who impacted them. He was the one who was there when I was at rock bottom and made me feel special, beautiful, wanted....so today, He should know, I am sorry!

But for what its worth,

I have learned alot from him. And this medley is like my Journey...

 BTW I LOVE GLEE!!!

So, my life's journey has been hard but worth the ride...Thank you to those people in my life, you know who you are, you keep me from drowning...you keep me Believing!